


Attack of the Heart

by StormyBear30



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-06-07 18:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6819061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A misunderstanding between Aaron and Spencer brings both of them so much joy and yet so much pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Agent Aaron Hotchner watched in blind horror as the youngest of his team Dr. Spencer Reid placed the gun that had been pointed at their current unsub on the bed and began walking towards her unarmed. His heart stopped beating in that moment as he raised his hands as if in surrender and began speaking to her. An anger he had never felt before coursed through him as they began a banter between the two of them that the rage wouldn't allow him to follow, and then fear coated his entire body as she pointed her gun directly at his temple and threatened to end his life. So many emotions, so many feelings and all Agent Hotchner could do was pray that everything would work itself out and that Reid would make it out alive.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” He screamed after the woman had been talked into surrendering her gun and was taken into custody. He ignored the shocked looks of the police officers they had been sent to assist and the team members who rarely heard him loose his temper like that. 

“I knew she wouldn't respond to veiled threats and guns in her face” Reid defended his actions. “Besides we have something in common” He mumbled the rest, locking eyes on his feet and taking a breath before meeting his superiors death glare. 

“You have nothing in common with the crazy bitch” Hotchner roared as he lunged forward and attempted to grab onto the thinner man. Chaos erupted around him as was grabbed from behind and jerked against a hard body. 

“What the hell Hotch?” He heard Morgan yell behind him, the grip on him tightening even more when he made another attempt to reach out for Reid. He knew he could have broken free from the hold but he felt frozen and full shame as he watched shock, sadness and then defiance cross the young doctors face who stood before him, but enough out of the way that he couldn't be touched. 

“I did what I had to do and I will do it again if it means that someone doesn't die” He said, his lips pressed together in anger before he turned and walked away from everyone. 

“The jet won't be ready until tomorrow so get with J.J. for room assignments” He yelled not giving anyone a chance to say anything as he jerked out of Morgan’s grasp and took off in one of the two vehicles that they had traveled in. 

It was hours before he made it back to the hotel they were staying in and he was no less confused then he had been when he had driven off. He knew that everyone, including Spencer thought that he was going to attack him earlier that afternoon but that hadn’t been the case at all. Spencer had truly frightened him this case and he had lost control of himself for only a moment. It was a moment that he knew he would always regret as he leaned back in the drivers seat, closed his eyes and tried to come up with a way to explain it to Spencer as well as the rest of the team. 

“Are you really going to sleep in the car?” He heard a voice say as he opened his eyes and found Reid standing before him. 

“It’s late you should be resting” He said instead of answering, cursing himself internally for sounding more like he was scolding a child and not a full grown FBI agent. . 

“The last time I checked I was old enough to make my own decision and you and I have to talk” Was Reid’s scathing reply as he rolled back and forth on his feet in a nervous manner. “Despite everyone’s objections, because obviously they don’t think I can take care of myself ether, you and I are sharing a room” 

“Spen...Reid...” Hotchner stammered even more confused with the situation and terrified at the idea of sharing a room with him. 

“Room two sixty seven” Reid cut him off, slamming the key card on the hood of the SUV before storming off across the parking lot. He had no idea what he was going to find once he entered the room but it wasn’t finding Reid sitting at a small table with two large cups of coffee and a bag from a local fast food place. “I got hungry earlier” He explained as he began to pull items from the bag. “You were just sitting out there when I left and as angry as I am for what happened today I know you feel bad and probably didn’t eat” 

“I do and I didn’t” The elder agent replied as he continued to stand by the door. “Reid...I...” 

“Eat” He was cut off once again as Reid pointed at the chair on the other side of the table, giving him a look that dared him to even defy him. 

“Don't you think that we should talk first?” He asked, wondering when he had lost all of the power he usually held over any of his team. 

“Eat” He was directed once again. He didn’t say a word or put up a fight when he was given a hard look once again when he held back a bit longer then Reid apparently felt necessary. “I don’t really know what you like but I figured you wouldn’t want anything fancy so I ordered you a turkey and swiss cheese sub with the condiments on the side” 

“Thank you” Hotchner said, truly touched that the younger man still seemed to care about his likes and dislikes despite what had happened earlier. Again all he got was a nod in response as they ate their meal in silence. The silence continued after they were done as Reid cleaned up their mess before disappearing into the bathroom for a short time. When he emerged he was freshly showered and looked a little more relaxed. 

“You should shower before we talk” He said as he placed his dirty clothes in his go bag before sitting back down in the chair he had been sitting in earlier. “Trust me it will help relax you” 

“Alright” He replied as he grabbed his own go bag and disappeared into the bathroom. He felt anything but calm afterwards as he exited the room, taking the seat across from Reid once again. 

“Do you want to tell me why you tried to attack me today?” Reid asked him and as if the memory wasn’t bad enough, hearing that Reid actually felt he had tried to attack him made it a million times worse. 

He was silent for a long time as he tried to figure out how to explain that his actions were anything but an attack, but the words never came as he furrowed his brow and closed his eyes before taking several deep breaths. When he opened them again he found Reid staring at him intently and he knew he was trying to read his emotions. Reid’s own eyes told him that the anger and defiance from earlier had all been an act as he nervously blinked and swallowed several times as they continued to stare at each other. Reid’s eyes also showed fear and sadness and once again and it nearly killed him to know that he had been the one to place it there. “I wasn’t trying to attack you” He began after several more deep breaths knowing that he had to fix things or they would never be the same between the two of them again. “You just...you just scared me so badly today” He stammered as he got up and moved to the other side of the room because he couldn’t stand to have those eyes boring into him any longer “I saw that crazy...” He stopped for a moment and composed himself because he knew Reid would not react favorably to the curse words that were on the tip of his tongue. “I saw her point that gun to your head and I just didn’t know how to react” 

“I already told you why I did that Hotch” Reid finally spoke up, causing the older agent to spin around. 

“You are not like her Reid” He yelled as he rushed back across the room and stopped before the table. “Jesus Fuck” He cried out in frustration as he watched Reid jerk back as if he were about to attack him again. “You really think that I was trying to attack you today” He said, rubbing his hand across his forehead in aggravation. 

“Yes...” Reid answered simply, fear and sadness clinging to every word. 

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

“I wasn’t trying to attack you” Hotchner ground out near tears as he turned away from the younger man. “I was trying to pull you into my arms because I was so close to losing you today that it scared the shit out of me. I just wanted to pull you into my arms and kiss you because I needed to know that you were really standing in front of me. I wanted to do both of those things because I’ve been in love with you for way longer then I every should be but then I remembered where I was and that you don’t feel for me the way that I feel for you. It may have looked like I was trying to attack you but trust me it was meant to be anything but” 

“Oh...” He heard coming from behind him as he turned and found Reid staring at him with a look of shock and awe on his face. “Why?” He questioned, looking more confused as he searched the older mans face. 

“What?” Hotch countered back because he had no idea how to answer the question. 

“Um...I mean why do you feel for me like that?” He questioned, licking his lips and swallowing hard before he spoke again. “I’m nothing special. I...um...I’m awkward and socially inapt There is nothing special about me that warrants that kind of attention” He repeated and the look on his face screamed that he didn’t believe for one moment that anyone could have feelings for him like that, especially the man standing in front of him. 

“Spencer...you are awkward and odd and you drive me crazy with your ongoing ramblings but you have to believe me when I tell you that those reasons and a lot more are why I am in love with you. Please...you have to believe that I would never lie to you about something as important as your feelings. If you can’t return those feelings I can understand that because I know this declaration is so out of left field but I would never lie to you or hurt you in that way” 

“Out of left field?” Spencer asked, his eyes clouded with even more confusion. 

“It’s a baseball reference” Hotch actually laughed despite the seriousness of the situation. 

“Oh...” Spencer replied again with another heavy swallow. “I’ve often wondered what being with a man would be like” He said instead but with a huge blush racing across his face. 

“I don’t even know what to say to that” Hotch replied as he sat down heavily upon the bed, exhaustion starting to settle in. 

“This is a lot to take in” Spencer said, but noticed that he seemed more agitated instead of confused. “I mean...here I was expecting you to explain why you were trying to attack me and...and you came out to me and declared your love for me” He exclaimed loudly as he began to chew at his fingers. “I just don’t know what to do with all this information” 

“You don’t have to do anything. I just wanted you to know why I did what I did” Hotchner replied as he rubbed at his forehead once again. “Nothing has to change. It’s out there I know but I know we can move past this and still maintain a working relationship” 

“I need to go for a walk...need to process this” Reid cried out as he jumped out of the chair and ran for the door. Agent Hotchner wanted to call out after the man and remind him that it was still extremely early in the morning and the streets were a dangerous place, but he kept his mouth shut as he climbed under the covers of the bed he had been sitting on and fell into an exhausted sleep. He woke with a start sometime later, finding Spencer sitting on his side of the bed looking at him with his head tilted as if trying to work something out. “Did you know that there is a gay bar literally across the street from this hotel” 

“No” Hotch replied as he sat up fully, searching Spencer’s face in hopes of figuring out what was going on inside of his head. 

“I’ve always wanted to go to one but honestly I just never found the nerve” Spencer said as he swallowed nervously. “I always strike out in regular bars so why even try at a gay bar and strike out with a whole other demographic” He shrugged with a sad smile, knowing he was rambling but powerless to stop himself. 

“Did anyone hurt you” Aaron asked even though he knew there was a chance that he could upset Spencer with the question because he hated be treated like he couldn't take care of himself. 

“No...no one hurt me” Spencer answered with another smile, one that actually brought a bit of light to his eyes. “I don’t know what I thought I was going to find but it was a very nice place with some very nice people. It was actually quite amusing because only after being there for literally seven minutes I had been hit on by five different men” He giggled, shaking his head and closing his eyes at the hurt look that crossed his bosses face. “I’m sorry that wasn’t very nice of me to say. I turned them all down and then this very lovely elderly man sat down beside me. He didn’t say anything for a long time but then he asked if he could buy me a drink and I accepted. He was there celebrating the thirty fifth anniversary of his relationship with his partner. I asked where his partner was and he told me that he had passed away five years prior but every year on that date he would stop into the bar where they had first met and have a drink honoring their lifetime of love and memories. You should have seen his face Hotch when he spoke of him. You always hear stories about love at first sight that lasts a lifetime but you rarely see it. His partner had been gone for five years and yet when he spoke of him you could still see how much he adored him...how much he still loved him. He asked what my story was and I told him all about today. I told him that I was confused that someone like you could be interested in someone like me and how petrified I am that even if I do try that you will realize rather quickly that I’m nothing special” 

“See that’s a problem because I already know how special you are and there isn’t anything that you can do or say that will make me change my mind about you” Aaron finally spoke up, itching to reach out and touch Spencer but knowing that it had to be on his terms. 

“That’s what George said. He said that if anything else, today should have proven to me how much you really do care and that we only get a limited time with the ones we love. He said that I shouldn’t waste my time focusing on fear and reach for whatever I want. He told me that nothing is guaranteed and that I will regret not knowing how things could be between us” 

“It sounds like sound advice” Aaron rushed out, his breathing heavier as he waited to see what Spencer would do next. 

“Yeah...so this is me reaching out for what I want” Spencer whispered as he reached out and cupped both sides of Aaron’s face. He could feel his entire body trembling as he leaned forward and placed his lips atop the older mans lips. He hesitated for a moment when he felt no response but relaxed just a fraction when he felt warm lips begin to move beneath his. The kiss was hesitant and awkward but he had to admit that it was the most amazing kiss he had every experienced in his life. “Wow” He giggled again once they had pulled back.

“Double wow” Aaron giggled himself, something he hadn’t done in too many years to recall. “We’ll start out slow. I want you to be sure before we make anything permanent” 

“Permanent” Spencer repeated, clearly in awe once again that someone like Aaron Hotchner was truly interested in someone like him. 

“Yes genius...permanent” He giggled again as he leaned forward and stole a simple kiss. “I’m going to court you like a proper gentleman because you deserve to be spoiled and when you are ready we will allow things to progress wherever it takes us...but have no doubt Spencer Reid in the end you are going to be mine forever” 

“Forever sounds good” Spencer replied softly, tears burning his eyes at just how amazing those words sounded and by the look of love and determination staring back at him he knew Aaron meant every one of them. “It sounds really good” He repeated as he shifted forward and wrapped his arms around the other mans neck. He couldn’t help but smile against the broad chest under his cheek as strong arms moved around his waist and shifted them around until they were lying back. 

“Sleep” He heard Aaron whisper and as much as he wanted to reply he found that he couldn’t as sleep descended upon him. 

When Aaron woke up the next morning he had a smile on his face but it didn't last long once he realized he was alone in the room. A full on panic converged over him as he came up with all sorts of reasons as to why Spencer had left without waking him. He was halfway dressed when the door to the room opened and in walked Spencer with a tray full of breakfast food and hot coffee. “Morning” He greeted him with a warm smile as he walked past him and placed the tray on the table. “I woke up early and thought I'd get breakfast for the two of us before our flight leaves. 

“That was very thoughtful of you” Aaron grinned as he walked up to the younger man and gave him a quick good morning kiss. “I thought I was supposed to be the one spoiling you” He teased as he sat down at the table and began unloading the tray. 

“I’ll admit that I've never truly been in a serious relationship but I know enough that spoiling should go both ways” Spencer replied as he sat down as well. 

“Thank you” Aaron smiled as he reached out and gave Spencer’s hand a squeeze, the simple gesture meaning more to him then words could say. 

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence until Spencer took a breath and broke it. “Hotch…Aaron” He corrected himself quickly even though it felt strange to call him by his formal name despite what he had learned about the mans feelings for him. 

“Yes Spencer”

“What are we going to tell the team?” He questioned, finding fascination with the table as he waited for him to reply. 

“Nothing” Aaron responded, not understanding the look of hurt that crossed Spencer’s face for a moment and than realizing what it meant as he watched the man almost curl into himself. “It's not for the reasons you think though. We have to be careful Spencer. I love and trust our team as much as you do but we can't tell them, not yet. There are rules about fraternization and the fact that I am your boss puts us both in danger of losing our jobs and benefits if we get caught. However, I just want this to be about us for now. I'm not ashamed of you by any means and I will prove that to you but for now we have to keep us quiet”

“I understand” Spencer replied and he did understand even though a part of him was hurt just the same. “They think you tried to attack me yesterday. How are you going to explain it to them” He pushed past his hurt because now that he knew the truth he wanted the rest to know as well. 

“I will talk to them all on the plane” Aaron said as he reached out and took the young doctors hand. “Now how about a proper good morning kiss” He teased as he got up from his chair and tugged Spencer up until he was standing in front of him. “Good morning” He said with a smile as he leaned in and kissed him good and proper. 

“Good morning indeed” Spencer relied with a full on blush once the breath taking kiss had ended. 

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

The atmosphere was near hostel as each and every team member made a point through their facial expressions to show just how upset they were with their leader. To make matters worse they had pretty much formed a circle around the youngest member ensuring that Hotchner got no where near him. “Are you ok?” Morgan asked once the plane had gained flight. 

“I'm fine. Why do you ask?” Spencer questioned even though he knew as he got up and attempted to move about the cabin.

“Where are you going?” Morgan asked as he stood up and blocked Reid’s way. 

“Where else do I go once the plane takes off . I want some coffee” He shot out in annoyance as he attempted to step around the larger man once again. 

“I'll get it for you” Morgan said as he turned around and headed for the food area of the plane, shooting a glare at his boss as he did. 

“I can get my own coffee” Spencer called out after him, knowing it was a lost cause when he was purposely ignored. 

“How are you really Spence?” He then heard J.J. speak as she sat down in the seat Morgan had just exited. 

“You too J.J.” Reid sighed as he looked across the cabin and found Hotch watching him with concerned eyes. 

“After yesterday I think we have a reason to worry” She replied as she happened a glance at Hotch before turning them back to Spencer. “You didn't come down to breakfast with us like you usually do and when we went to your room to check on you, you were both already gone” 

“That's because I ate breakfast in my room and I caught a ride with Hotch to the airport” He grumbled, getting even more upset when Rossi fixed him with a look that screamed profiling. “You all do remember that I am a grown man right” He yelled, getting up out of his seat and moving into the aisle. “The last time I checked I was thirty one years old and didn't need anyone's permission to do anything. Hotch and I talked last night and everything is fine between us. You have an issue with him then take it up with him…but he and I are FINE. I'm sorry Hotch” He apologized to his boss as he stormed into the rest room and slammed the door behind him. 

“Look, I know that you think I was about to attack Reid yesterday but you have to know that was never my intention” Hotch finally broke the silence as they all turned eyes upon him. “I got scared and I was about to hug him before I remembered where we were and I stopped myself” He explained, already knowing that none of them believed what he had said by the looks on their face. It was hard enough admitting a weakness and fear to his team, but the fact that they didn’t seem to trust him hurt more than anything. 

“You’ve never reacted like that before. Hell we’ve all been tortured or had our lives put in danger at one time or another and not once have you ever reacted like you did with Reid. Let’s face facts Hotch, you’ve been under severe stress lately and yesterday you snapped. Thankfully you were able to get yourself under control before you could really hurt Reid” Morgan accused, as he sat down next to J.J, placing the cup of coffee he had made for Reid on the table in front of them. 

“I would never hurt Reid or any of you and if you don’t believe that then I don’t think there is much else I could say to change your mind” He told them, turning his attention back towards the file that had been lying in his lap. Tears burned his eyes but he held them back because he was still smarting over the fact that no one seemed to believe him. 

“I believe you and that it all that matters” Reid said as he took a seat next to his boss. 

“We’re only trying to look out for you kid” Morgan said as he tried to give Reid the cup of coffee he had made for him, setting it back down at the hateful glare sent his way. 

“He reacted that way for the same reason that you all react when you think that I can’t handle something. I’m not a child and yes at the beginning when I first joined the team I made a lot of mistakes but that was over ten years ago. I’ve grown a lot in those years and it really pisses me off that none of you can see that” He made a point of looking at all of the people seated on the plane, including Hotch. “I know you guys love me and I love you too but this has to stop. If I need help then help me but don’t always assume because I’m younger then all of you that I’m helpless. When I put my gun down yesterday and tried to talk her down I wasn’t worried because I knew you all had my back. I knew that no matter what happened that I was going to walk out of that room because I trust each and every one of you with my life. I guess the question now is do you all feel that same about me?” He had started the speech to detour some of the heat from Hotch, but as he looked around the small area he wondered if the team truly didn’t trust in him the way that he trusted in them. 

“I trust you one hundred percent kid” Rossi was the first to speak and it brought Reid a small bit of relief because he could tell that he meant it. 

“You know I trust you Spence” J.J. Spoke next. 

“If I didn’t trust you, you would know” Morgan grinned as he reached out and ruffled Reid’s hair. “Now stop being a baby and drink the coffee I made you” He said as he once again picked the cup up and handed it toward him. 

“What about you?” Reid asked as he took the offered cup while looking at Hotch. “Do you trust me?” 

“With my life” Hotchner replied without hesitation. 

“And this anger towards Hotch needs to stop. It’s stupid and disrespectful. You all know that he has done and will do anything for all of us. Yesterday was a misunderstanding and if I can move past it then so should all of you” 

“You’re right” J.J. Was the first to speak. “I’m so sorry Hotch. I know deep in my heart that you would never hurt any of us” 

“Thank you” Hotch nodded towards her. 

“I wasn’t there to see any of this but I’ve never doubted that you’ve had our backs from the beginning. Rossi replied seriously. 

“Derek” Reid said looking at his closest friend who had yet to say a word. 

“I trust you Hotch and if you say that you weren’t trying to hurt Reid then I believe you” He finally spoke up. “But it goes without being said that if you every did try and hurt him then I won’t be held accountable for my actions. Like it or not Spencer I think of you as a little brother and I can’t help looking out for you” 

“Um...thank you I think” Spencer stammered, uncomfortable with the sentiment in front of everyone but thankful and happy at the same time. He knew that the over protectiveness by the team was never going to change. He knew that they were going to have the same old fight over another case at another time and yet as much as it annoyed him that they still felt he couldn’t handle certain situations, he was happy that they loved him enough to care. 

Reid was exhausted as he finished the last of his paperwork, thankful that in just a few more hours he could go home and get some sleep. The rest of the flight home had been uneventful as each of the team members spread out and attempted to rest. Reid had tried to rest himself but after too much stress and his mind playing over and over again what had happened between him and Aaron in their hotel room the previous night, it hadn’t happened. They hadn’t spoken since they had left the plane and he figured they wouldn’t again that night as he watched his boss talking on the phone through the blinds in his office. 

“I’m starving. Wanna go get something to eat?” He heard Morgan ask beside him. 

“I’m exhausted. All I can think about is sleep” He replied as he grabbed his leather satchel from off the back of his seat and stood up. 

“I know what you mean but I have to eat something before I can even think about sleep” Morgan said as he got up as well. “Come on...it won’t take long. Trust me you will sleep so much better once you have your belly full of something yummy” He sing-songed as he wrapped an arm around Reid’s shoulder, rubbing his stomach and laughing. 

“You know I really hate you sometimes” Reid laughed himself even though Morgan was teasing him like a child. 

“No baby boy...you love me” Morgan shot back, kissing Reid on the cheek before herding him towards the elevators. 

“You’re lucky I do” Reid laughed as he pushed the larger man away. Laughing even louder when Morgan wrapped an arm around his waist and literally carried him into the elevator. 

Hotchner watched the whole scene, grateful that there didn’t seem to be any tension between the two men any longer, but jealous that it was Morgan and not him that he seemed to be going out with. They hadn’t been able to speak on the plane and the minute he had entered the building he had received a phone call that couldn’t wait. He knew he held no claims on Spencer but he hated being excluded from something as simple as a dinner between friends. Leaning his head back he closed his eyes and wished so much that he could have been the one to take Spencer out to dinner, but decided that since he was home early enough that he should focus on someone else important in his life. He hadn’t seen his son Jack in three days and he missed him terribly. 

Aaron couldn't help but smile later that night as he laid in bed and the phone located beside him on the night stand started ringing. “Hey…just getting home now?” 

"Yeah…Morgan’s short dinner break turned into him dragging me to some bar afterwards, where he hit on every woman in the place while I watched” Reid whined as he stretched out fully across his bed. “I hope it's not too late to call. I…um just wanted…” He couldn't finish his sentence at how pathetic he sounded. 

“I wanted to hear your voice too” Aaron finished for him, smiling even wider. “I'm glad you called” 

"You are?" He whispered. 

“Of course” Aaron replied around a yawn. “I have plans with Jack tomorrow but I'd like to take you out tomorrow night if that's alright with you. I can get Jessica to watch him for me”

“I'd like that” Spencer grinned into his pillow, an odd feeling washing over him that he couldn't explain. 

“Night Spencer”

“Goodnight Aaron” Spencer replied softly as he ended the call and placed the phone on the nightstand beside the bed. 

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer was a nervous wreck the next day as he waited for Aaron to pick him up for their date. He had called earlier in the day to let him know what time their reservation was and how to dress and yet it still didn't seem real to him that someone like Aaron Hotchner would be interested in him. He could admit that he liked the idea of it but at the same time he was terrified of screwing it up. Because there were many things that Spencer loved about himself but there were many, many more that he hated. 

“You look amazing” Aaron greeted with a smile when Spencer opened the door later that evening. 

“You've seen me wearing this shirt and cardigan many times before” Spencer replied with a blush, unused to such compliments from the other man or anyone for that matter. “In fact you've seen me wear this combination of dress…” His train of thought was cutoff as Aaron leaned in and kissed it away. 

“I know I've rarely paid you any compliments in the time that that I've known you but that wasn't for lack of wanting too” Aaron explained as he took Spencer’s hand and led him towards his car. 

“You said you had feelings for me long before you should have. Just how long has that been?” Spencer asked once they were on the road. He could tell that the question made Aaron uncomfortable and it caused him to curse internally at his stupidity. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to be so forward”

“Your straight forwardness doesn't bother me but the length of time I've had feelings for you does” He said as he glanced over at Spencer and noticed a distressed look staring back at him. “When you first joined the team you were so green” He began to explain. “You were so unsure and clumsy and I honestly didn't think you were going to make it” He couldn't help but smile at the memories. “But then you started to gain confidence in yourself and I watched you grow from this young scared kid into an amazing man. My feelings started to change for you as I watched this transition. I was married to Haley and I had Jack to think of but I couldn't help myself. It was such a struggle trying to maintain my married life when I had fallen in love with you. My marriage was in shambles but I had made a commitment to her and I was determined to keep it together and fight my feelings for you. When she filed for divorce and then she was killed the guilt just ate at me. I was a mess and I didn't want to put that burden on you” 

“None of that matters now. I'm sorry I let my own insecurities bring back such painful memories. Please forgive me Aaron” 

“We both have a lot of baggage and I know my feelings for you are confusing but please Spencer never doubt that they are real” Reaching out he once again took Spencer’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I know I'm asking a lot for you to have faith but after seeing that gun to your head I couldn't keep silent anymore”

“I'm glad you didn't” Spencer smiled as he squeezed the hand being held back. 

“Me too” Aaron returned the smile. “Now let's go have some fun”

The evening turned out to be more enjoyable then Spencer could have imagined as they filled themselves with delicious food and held an amazing conversation that not once touched on the job. He felt mellow and relaxed as at the end of the meal they shared one last glass of wine while sharing a tasty dessert that he couldn't wait to try again at another time. After dinner they walked hand and hand back to the car in comfortable silence. “I really had a wonderful time” Spencer sighed relaxed and happy once they made it up to the passenger side of the car. 

“It's still early how about we go to a movie?” Aaron asked as he stood in front of his date because he didn't want the night to end. 

"There really isn't anything that I want to watch” Spencer replied truthfully, finding most of the current movies too out there to waste his hard earned money on. 

"Who said anything about watching the movie” Aaron replied with a playful grin. 

“But why would we pay for something that we don't want to see?” Spencer asked in confusion, blushing like crazy when Aaron leaned in and kissed him. “Oh…” 

“Come on let's go” Aaron laughed as he opened the door for Spencer and closed it once he was inside. 

Spencer could feel people looking at them as they walked up to the ticket booth but he found that he didn't care as his date held onto his hand and paid for the tickets. In fact he couldn't stop smiling because it felt amazing doing something so normal as going to a movie with such a great guy. Aaron didn't seem to care at all that they were two grown men holding hands for everyone to see and it made him feel special. “Do you want anything from the concession stand?” He heard him ask, pulling him out of his musings. 

“No thank you I'm still full from dinner” He declined. Together they walked to the correct theater, choosing seats towards the back once they entered. Spencer felt actual butterflies in his stomach once seated and Aaron lifted the armrest between them. They sat in silence for a few moments when the previews began, but then Aaron faked a yawn before placing his arm around Spencer’s shoulders. “Smooth” He giggled like a school girl as he allowed himself to lean into the strong body beside him. Aaron said nothing but the vibration of laughter Spencer felt along his side made him feel happier then he could remember in a long time. 

Aaron had no idea what was playing out on the screen, nor did he care as he pulled Spencer in a bit closer before leaning over and kissing him. He felt the younger man hesitate for a moment before he gave into the kiss wholeheartedly. He felt young and carefree as the make out session continued, wondering why he had waited so long in the first place to make a move on the man in his arms. 

Before he knew it the movie was over and the house lights came on. Disappointment washed over him when Aaron pulled away from him because he knew the amazing night was about to end. He couldn't help but smile though as he touched his kiss swollen lips, stealing a few more despite how sensitive they were. He would have stolen a few more but the clearing of a throat stopped him. “Sorry” He giggled as he hid his face in his dates chest at the knowing grin he received by a young female usher standing beside them. 

“No worries” She replied with a smile as she began to clear away the trash coating the floor. 

“Let's get out of here” Spencer whispered with a blush as he grabbed Aaron’s hand and dragged him towards the exit. No words were spoken as the walked to the car and climbed in, Spencer hiding his face in his hands after putting his seat belt on. “That was so embarrassing but so much fun” He beamed as he turned to look at Aaron. “This has been the best first date I've ever been on. Thank you so much for taking me out”

“You are most welcome. I had a lot of fun myself” He replied as he leaned over and kissed Spencer quickly. “I’d like to see you again but with our schedules at work and Jack I'm not sure when this can happen again” He said, saddened that he truly had no idea when they would be able to be alone again. “You know I hate to mention this again but we really have to be discrete when we are working together. No one can know right now that we are seeing each other”

“I know” He replied, hurt yet again even though he knew Aaron was right. 

“Spencer…” Aaron spoke his name softly knowing he had hurt his feelings. 

“I get it” Spencer shot back. “I really do understand but if I'm being truthful it does sting just a little bit” He explained. “It isn't like this is the first time I've been somebody's embarrassed secret or been used” He shrugged thinking back to the few attempts at relationships with women from his past. He hadn't been lying when he had said he'd never been in a serious relationship but it wasn't for lack of trying on his part. Sadly, the attempts always ended up in vain as Spencer put his heart on the line and the women abused it for their own gain. 

“I am not embarrassed by you nor do I want to keep what I feel for you a secret” Aaron cried out in shock that Spencer felt that way. “I'm happy that you want to give us a chance and I want every single person that is important to us to know. I only ask that we keep it to ourselves for right now because if word got out with the FBI we could both lose everything. Please understand that. Once we are established we can make some decisions and reveal our relationship to everyone. Just trust me…please”

“I do…I do trust you” Spencer responded without hesitation and surprisingly he truly did. 

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

“What is wrong with you?” Spencer heard Morgan ask as he paced back and forth in the hotel room they were sharing while on yet another case. 

“Nothing” Reid lied as he continued his pacing. 

“You know I can always tell when you’re lying” Morgan shot back as he grabbed Reid’s arm and forced him to sit down. “Now what’s going on in that big brain of yours. You’ve been antsy since we got here” 

“What did you lose to end up rooming with me?” Reid asked instead of answering his question. 

“What?” 

“You never want to room with me when we have to stay in a hotel. In fact you go out of your way to ensure that it doesn’t happen, including paying people money. So what happened that you ended up getting stuck with me?” He questioned with some anger to his voice because as close as the two agents were, it still confused and hurt him that Morgan always went out of his way to not have to room with him. “You afraid that I’m going to try and molest you in your sleep or something because trust me you have nothing to worry about” The words came out angrier then he meant them too but he didn’t try and take them back as he pushed himself off of the bed and began pacing again. 

“Is that what your upset about?” Morgan asked in confusion. 

“No...forget it” He replied quickly, shaking his head before disappearing into the bathroom.

No words were spoken between the two of them once Reid exited the bathroom and got into the other bed. “I’m sorry” Morgan apologized as he turned on his side and faced his friend. “You’re right I do do that but it isn’t because of whatever horrible thing you have going on in your head” 

“You all seem to think that I have no feelings, that when you say those things that it doesn’t upset me but it does. I hate when we have to stay overnight in a hotel because I already know that there is going to be some huge debate about who will end up rooming with me. I don’t know what I’ve done to any of you but it must have been something pretty horrible to have to deal with this every damn time”

“No...it’s nothing that horrible and you’re right in that we don’t think it hurts you because you never say anything” Morgan began to explain. “I don’t even think that you realize that your doing it but you are so restless when you sleep. I mean, I don’t even know how you get any rest at the way you move constantly and when you’re not moving you’re talking in your sleep. I’m sure it makes sense to you but to the rest of us it just sound like gibberish...loud gibberish. And you never sleep long and when you are awake you try to be quite but honestly Reid you are anything but”

“Well I asked” Reid laughed humorlessly as he got up out of the bed he had been lying on. “I’ll give you some privacy then” He said over his shoulder, ignoring Morgan when he called out after him. He had intended to go to the front desk and ask for another room, but instead he found himself hovering around Hotchner’s door instead. Closing his eyes he leaned his forehead on the coolness of the wood before taking a deep breath and knocking softly. “I’m sorry, I know we said that we would keep it professional when we were on a case but I just needed to see you” He rushed out softly when the door was open and a disheveled agent was standing in front of him. 

Aaron had no words as he opened the door even wider and allowed the clearly upset man to enter. “What’s wrong?” He questioned, becoming extremely worried when Spencer lunged against his body. “Did something happen with Morgan?” He asked as he continued to hold him. 

“He just spoke the truth but I guess it still hurt nonetheless that everyone thinks the same thing and yet none of them thought to say anything to me about it” Spencer rambled, pulling away before sitting down on the bed at the concerned look on Aaron’s face. “I just found out tonight why no one wants to share a room with me on hotel nights. Apparently I toss and turn like a fiend and talk in my sleep and when I’m not sleeping despite my efforts to keep quiet I fail” He pouted as he fell backwards on the bed. “They could have just told me but instead they made it into a game and made me feel like crap. Did you know about this?” He asked as he pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at the still silent man. 

“I knew none of them wanted to room with you but I didn’t know why” He answered truthfully as he sat down on the bed beside Spencer. “I never said anything because you never seemed to let it bother you” 

“Oh it bothers me but I just ignored it because I guess I really didn’t want to know” He shrugged as he fell back down. “That night that I slept with you did I do any of those things?” He questioned, worried that it might change things between the two of them because it seemed to really bother everyone else. 

“You never uttered a word or moved a muscle the entire night” He replied truthfully as he laid down along side his love and pulled him into his arms. 

“When I was younger I couldn’t wait to grow up because I just knew that things were going to be different. I just knew that my oddities wouldn’t stand out so much but I was fooling myself because if anything they stand out more” Closing his eyes he inhaled the scent that had become familiar to him, locking it away because if that night had proved anything to him it was that even the ones who claim to care for him eventually realized what a loser he truly was. 

“I’m not going anywhere Spencer” Aaron told him as he gently lifted his chin enough that he could see his face. “Yes...you are different from most people. Yes...you have oddities that most people don’t understand but have you ever stopped to think that that’s what makes you special. I don’t mean special like that” He said when Spencer gave him an annoyed look. “Every single one of the team loves you Spencer, including myself. Yes we all work together but look at how you are integrated into their personal lives as well. Your Henry’s god father. If anything were to happen to J.J. and Will they trust you enough to raise their only son. How many times has Garcia invited you over to her place to have movie nights or whatever it is you two do when you are together. No one else, not even Morgan gets that invitation. Prentiss may be gone from the BAU but I know for a fact that she calls and emails you on a regular basis. She wouldn’t do that if she didn’t care for you. Rossi may not show it but he looks to you like a son and has every single paper and article that you have every written. I know Derek gives you a hard time pretty much all the time but there is no doubt by any of us that he’s very protective of you. You saw how he reacted when he thought that I was trying to attack you” 

“You know what the sad part is?” Spencer said as he turned away from the man holding him and locked his eyes on the ceiling. “The sad part is that I consider him my best friend and yet I know that he doesn’t feel the same”

“You’re right he doesn’t consider you his best friend” Aaron cut off Spencer’s pity party as he forced him to look at him once again. “He considers you family. The reason he’s so protective of you is because you are his little brother. He has a hard time letting people in, we all know this about him but you were able to penetrate that amour of his. His son is your namesake Spencer, you can’t believe that he took making the decision lightly” 

“God now I just feel like an idiot” Spencer whined, untangling himself from Aaron’s arms and scooting back until his back was against the headboard. “I claim to be so smart and yet I can’t see what I have right before my very eyes”

“No...you can’t” Aaron chuckled as he shifted back until he was next to Spencer once again. “Then there is me” He grew serious as he locked eyes with the silent man. “I know we’re not at the stage yet where I should be telling you this, but I am completely in love with you Spencer. I’m not saying it to get a response back from you because it’s way to early for that but I want you to know that I’m in this for the long haul. The fact that you’re different isn’t going to scare me off because I love the fact that you are different. I meant it when I told you that in the end you will be mine” 

“Wh...what does that even mean?” Spencer stammered, feeling as if he was on emotional overload due to everything he had heard and was feeling. 

“It means that we will date and we will get to know each other a little bit more. It means that I want you to spend time with my son and get to know him as well. He already adores you Spencer and I know that you care for him. Somewhere along that line I am going to ask you to move in with me and shortly after that I will ask you to marry me. I’ve been in love with you for a long time Spencer Reid and when you finally realize that you love me too our lives are going to be perfect” 

“You seem so sure of this” Spencer whispered, his heart hammering in his chest so quickly that he felt light headed. 

“Have I ever led you wrong in all the time that we’ve worked together?” He questioned, staring deeply into Spencer’s eyes because he needed him to know that he really did believe in everything he had said. 

“You haven’t…not once”

“And I won’t now” Aaron assured as he leaned forward and kissed him.

“I’m not sure if what I am feeling right now is love but know that I do feel something extremely odd and yet very special for you” Spencer spoke truthfully as he reached out and traced his fingers across the expanse of the older mans face. “Very special” He repeated as he leaned forward and initiated the next kiss. 

Spencer couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he walked down the empty hallway back to his room much later that evening. He kept playing the previous hours over and over in his head. He had gone to agent Hotchner’s room to vent about his confrontation with Derek but ended up getting a much needed reality check from Aaron and then some serious making out afterwards. Biting onto his bottom lip he could still swear that he tasted Aaron there and it made him smile even wider. He had also learned a few new things about himself. He found that he liked it when Aaron laid on top of him, covering every inch of his body with his own as he pressed him into the mattress. He found out that just a simple kiss to his neck made him shiver but when teeth and tongue were added that it got him hard in an instant. He found that he wasn’t shy about taking the lead some when it came to fooling around and because of that he found out that Aaron’s sensitive spot was right at the point where shoulder and neck came together. He was quite proud of himself that he had been able to make the other man hard as well, mutual hand jobs being shared between them before Spencer kissed his sated lover goodnight and headed back to his room. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Derek cried out the moment Spencer entered the room. “You've been gone for hours”

“Thank you” Spencer replied instead of the answer Morgan was looking for. 

“What?” Morgan questioned in confusion. 

“I don't think in all the time we've known each other that I've thanked you for caring for me and accepting me into your family not just the BAU family but your real family as well”

“I'm sorry did I miss something? Did you not storm out of here a few hours ago pissed off at me?” He asked, even more confused then before. “Where the heck did you go?” 

“I was pissed at you when I left but I went for a walk and realized that despite the fact that you hurt my feelings over this whole sleeping arrangement situation that you didn't do it to be mean or hateful” He somewhat explained leaving out the part where it had been their boss and his lover who had made him see this. “I just wish that you or one of the team had told me about these things I do. I may be a genius but even I have no control over the things I do when I'm asleep”

"You're right. We should have” Morgan admitted “I'm sorry that it got this far”

“Forgiven” Spencer beamed as he walked into the bathroom and changed into his night clothes. “What?” He cried out after exiting the bathroom, Morgan’s eyes following him as he moved about the room. 

“Where did you go after you left because there is something different going on with you right now” Morgan asked suspiciously as he continued to eye his friend. “If I didn't know any better I would think that you went out and got some but this is you and I do know better. So where did you go?” He asked again. 

“I went for a walk and before you give me any grief about how late it is remember I am a grown man and an FBI agent” Spencer warned as he laid down on his own bed. “I'm going to try and keep the moving and talking to a minimal but once asleep I may not be able to control much” Spencer said around a yawn as he laid down and pulled the covers over himself. He vaguely heard the other man mumble something but sleep overtook him before he had a chance to comprehend or respond. 

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

Life after that changed dramatically for Spencer Reid as well as Aaron Hotchner. They tried to spend as much time as they could together but it proved to be hard fought between their personal lives and of course the job. Spencer hated that he had to keep their relationship under lock and key, but he understood why. For Aaron it was ten times worse because not only did he have to keep it from his team but his family as well. Haley’s sister had had a hard enough time with him dating a woman after her sisters death and he wasn't sure how she was going to react to the fact that he was now dating and in love with a man. He also had Jack to think about. He had raised Jake to be open minded and accepting of everyone but he truly had no idea how he was going to react to his father being in a relationship with a man. It didn't stop him from inviting Spencer over and including him in their activities whenever he could. He knew that Jack cared for Spencer and he hoped and prayed that it would eventually turn into love on both of their parts. He wanted them to be a family, he just didn't know how he could make that happen with so many obstacles standing in their way. 

“So what do you have planned for us this weekend?” Spencer asked as he leaned forward and kissed Aaron’s hairy chest. Never in his life had he thought that the sight and the feel of a hairy chest would turn him on, but from the first moment Aaron had removed his shirt in his presence and he had run his fingers though it he had been addicted. “What no big plans? You always have something planned for us” He felt Aaron’s entire body tense as he sat up and took in the pinched face staring back at him. “What’s wrong?” He asked nervously as he began to pull his clothes back on. They had snuck out of work early so they could spend some time together before Aaron had to go and pick up his son from soccer practice after school. 

“Nothing…” Aaron lied as he started dressing himself as well. 

“So what are we doing?” He pushed a bit further. 

"Nothing” Aaron bit out, sighing in frustration at the flinch of hurt he felt from Spencer. “Jessica asked Jack and I over for dinner and a movie night tomorrow night” He finally fessed up, Wanting to keep it a secret because he knew it was going to hurt Spencer once he found out. 

“Oh…” Spencer replied softly as he sat on the side of the bed and began putting his shoes on. He couldn't hide the hurt laced through his voice no matter how hard he tried at being excluded from a family get together once again. “You better go. Soccer practice ends in about thirty minutes. 

“Spencer…” Aaron called out to his lover as he watched him get up and leave the room. “Shit” He ground out, irritated with Spencer for acting like a child, yet also himself because he knew he was the cause of it. They had been seeing each other for nearly six months and where Spencer was tired of the hiding their relationship and the lies, Aaron found himself becoming more alarmed at the prospect of letting anyone know. “I can reschedule. We can do whatever you want” He said as he entered Spencer’s living room and found him standing in front of the bookcase. 

“What I want I can never have it seems” Spencer replied with his back still turned because all he really wanted was for Aaron’s family to know the truth and to be included in all family functions. 

“You said that you understood, that you would be patient” Aaron said, knowing that he really wasn't being fair because Spencer had been more that understanding and patient. 

“I do understand and I've been more than patient but it's been six months and you are no closer to telling her, much less anyone that we know about us. Don't even try and deny it because your body language screams denial” Spencer shot back with anger as he turned to face his lover. 

“Spencer please…” Aaron signed as he fell back on the couch behind him. “You know why we can't”

“I know” He replied sadly, unwilling to have the same fight they had been having for the previous few months. “Seriously, you better go. You promised Jack that you would take he and the team out for pizza after practice” He reminded him, his heart aching just a bit more at not being invited yet again. 

“You’re right I better go. Are we ok?” He asked as he got up and walked over towards him. 

“Yeah…we’re fine” He lied with a much of a smile as he could muster. “Have fun tomorrow night. Call me afterwards if you want to”

“I will” Aaron assured, ignoring the hurt staring back at him as he leaned in and kissed Spencer. “I love you” 

“I know…love you too” Spencer said with another fake smile as he watched him exit his apartment. Tears burned his eyes as he stared at the closed door because where he had never once doubted that Aaron loved him at the beginning, he wasn't so sure any longer. Walking across the room to his kitchen table he grabbed a few new books that he had purchased to read earlier on his lunch break and curled up on the couch. He attempted to read the first page of one but found his mind jumbled and unfocused as he tried to figure out what was going on in Aaron Hotchner’s mind. Knowing he wasn't going to get much reading done that night he placed both books on the coffee table and went to bed. The next morning to keep his mind off of his troubles he called two of his best friends and made plans for that evening. He was determined to have fun and try and forget about the hurt of the previous evening. . 

“I don't know why you two keep bringing me to these horror movies” Garcia complained as she and Spencer exited the movie theater arm and arm with a laughing Morgan and Savannah in tow. “Savannah please tell me that you don't enjoy these ridicules movies”

“Sorry Pen…” It's one of the things that Derek and I both enjoy. 

“You ok pretty boy?” Derek questioned as he walked beside his best friend. “You've been pretty quiet since we got here”

“Well we were watching a movie so what else did you expect me to do?” Spencer reminded, trying to make it sound like a joke but knowing he had failed at the odd look he got from both of his closest friends. 

Morgan could tell he was lying, could tell that something was bothering the younger man by the nervous swallow and rapid eye blinking that quickly followed his words. “Why don't the two of you go on ahead to the restaurant. Reid and I will meet you there in a moment” Derek nodded towards the ladies, begging both with his eyes to understand that he needed a few minutes alone with his friend. “I've known you a long time and I know when something isn't right with you. So spill…what's going on?” 

Spencer debated for several seconds revealing his secret to Morgan but then he remembered his promise to Aaron. “It's nothing really” He hedged. “I can't tell you right now but it's nothing bad. I just have to work through a few things and then I will tell you. Please understand that I'm not trying to hide anything from you. I just can't talk about it yet”

“You would tell me if you were in trouble right “ Derek asked with a look of concern on his face. He knew that Spencer was hiding more than he was letting on but he also knew if he pushed him too far he would clam up altogether. 

“I'm not in any trouble and you would be the first person that I called” Spencer assured, thankful for his friendship with the older man as he was pulled into a one sided hug and dragged towards the restaurant where the ladies were waiting. “This was so much fun. Thanks for agreeing to hang out with me at such short notice” Spencer said as he held up his glass and clinked them with the people who had saved him from a night of boredom and painful reflection. He still wasn’t sure what was going on with his relationship but as he took in the smiling and happy faced around him he found that he really didn’t care at the moment. 

“Thanks for inviting us” Savannah replied with a smile. “I love my baby boy but I have to admit that it’s nice to get a little break and have some adult time. My mother has agreed to keep Hank until tomorrow so after we leave here we are going to have even more adult time” She said with a playful wink at her husband. 

“Well here’s to adult time” Garcia cried out loudly, raising her glass once again in a toast. “Holy Jiminy Crickets ghost” She cried out even louder, here eyes nearly popping out of her head as they all turned to look at her. “I can’t believe what I am seeing” She giggled as she placed her glass on the table and pointed in the direction she was looking at. “As I live and breath it looks as if our boss Agent Aaron Hotchner is on a date” 

Spencer’s breath caught in his throat as he slowly turned in the direction Garcia was pointing at, his heart stopping altogether as her words were proven true. There sitting across the crowded restaurant was Aaron Hotchner and some unidentified woman. He could sense his friends talking around him but he heard not a word as he watched the couple talk and laugh together. Twice the woman reached out and placed her hand atop her dates, giving off all the signals that she was interested in anything he was willing to give her. The world around him became fuzzy and the need for air became eminent, Derek’s chair as he turned around to see what was going on giving him the nudge that he needed to force him to breathe again. He watched in horror as the woman placed her hand on his lover’s hand once again, that same man clasping it in his own and lying them both on the table intertwined. He felt nauseous and light headed as the need to flee consumed him. Tears burned his eyes as he blindly reached into his bag for his wallet, tossing a handful of bills on the table before attempting his leave. The entire focus seemed to be on him in an instant when the strap of the bag caught on the chair and it and him landed on the floor with a loud crash. He could see the looks of concern on his friends face as he allowed Derek to pull him upwards but didn’t stick around to hear what any of them had to say as he raced for the exit. He could hear people screaming his name behind him, including Aaron but he kept on running because there was no way in hell that Aaron Hotchner was going to see him cry. 

Aaron was in blind shock for a few moments as he took in the crashing that came from across the room, realizing rather quickly who the cause of it was. “Spencer” He cried out when he saw the man who’s heart he had just broken rush from the restaurant. “Spencer” He cried out again when he was ignored, pushing his way past Morgan when he was grabbed by the clearly angry man. “Spencer...wait” He screamed at the top of his lungs, running as fast as he could after him. He caught up with him with ease, grabbing onto the thin man and forcing him to turn and look at him. “It isn’t what you think” He rushed out, drawing in large gulps of air, still gripping Spencer’s arm tightly because he knew if he let go he would run away again. 

“Oh I know exactly what IT is” He screamed, jerking his arm so hard that he almost fell once again. “You are such a fucking coward. You looked me right in my face last night and lied to me about your plans for today. You told me you loved me and yet you are clearly on a date with that woman” Shaking his head he tried to force the tears burning his eyes back but it was a lost cause due to the pain of his broken heart. “You were so worried about keeping us a secret” He sobbed as he began to back away from Aaron and the crowd of people behind them. “But I guess you don't have to worry about that any longer” Ignoring the shocked and angry faces of his friends who had caught up with them, he ran away as fast as he could, leaving Aaron to deal with the aftermath . 

“You son of a bitch” Morgan cried out as he reared back and punched his boss in the face. “What the hell have you done? I told you if you ever hurt him that there would be hell to pay” He yelled even louder, taking another swing at the man who had hurt his best friend but missing as said man was quick enough to dodge the punch. He tried yet again because he wanted him to hurt as badly as Spencer was clearly hurting but stopped immediately at his wife's out cry of distress. 

“What did you do Sir?” Penelope asked in confusion with tears in her eyes because after hearing what Spencer had said nothing made sense. 

“He's been fucking Spencer” Derek cried out in disgust. “I knew you were spewing bullshit on the plane that day. So what you convinced him that you loved him so you could fuck him. You really are a piece of shit Hotch. You stay away from him or I will fucking kill you” 

All three stood in shock at the outburst of cursing and threats coming from Derek because the man was usually calm and collected in a severe situation. There was no doubt that he loved and cared for Spencer and despite the seriousness of the situation it made Aaron happy that there was someone who was looking out for Spencer when he had just failed him so miserably. He knew he had to say something, knew he had to express to the two people closest to Spencer that he had made a huge mistake that night, that he truly was head over heels in love with the man they loved as well. The problem was he wasn't sure that they would believe anything he had to say by the looks on each of their faces. 

“Aaron…what's going on?” He heard his date question as she looked between all of them. 

Closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath he prepared himself to explain everything to them not matter what the consequences. “ I'm in love with Spencer Reid” He answered calmly, a small smile crossing his tear filled face at how amazing it felt to say the words out loud. He took in the three shocked faces, directing his attention to the only angry one. “ It was never just fucking Derek. I meant what I said on the plane that day. I panicked when that unsub placed her gun to Reid’s head. I wasn't trying to hurt him afterwards. I just wanted to pull him into my arms and hold him, wanted to kiss him and make sure that he was truly ok but I remembered where we were and that we had an audience and I pulled away. My feelings for him didn't just change that day, they had been changing long before that, even before Haley died. We talked that night and I asked him to keep us a secret even though I knew it hurt him. I shouldn't have done that because if I hadn't been so worried about what Jessica, Jack and even the FBI would think we wouldn't be here today” The tears were flowing in torrents down his face but he didn't care because his heart ached at the pain he had caused his young lover. “I'm so sorry Samantha, I should have never agreed to this blind date when Jessica suggested it. I was so worried that she wouldn't understand that I was in love with a man that I agreed without thinking about your feelings as well”

"Disgusting” His date cried out in outrage before storming off. 

“I couldn't agree more” Morgan agreed quickly knowing that she didn't mean it the same way he did but going with it anyway. 

"How could you hurt Spencer like that?” Garcia question with tears flowing down her face at how much pain her friend must be going through. “How could you?” She asked again with more anger that time when she didn't get a response quick enough. 

“I was scared” He supplied the answer she requested as he wiped at his own face.

“You're not afraid of anything” She shot back in shock because as long as she had known the older man he had never showed an ounce of fear over anything. 

“I was over this” He began to explain. “I was so worried about what everyone else might think about our relationship that I ignored the fact that I was hurting the man that I love”

"Oh..." Garcia said softly, her anger from before dwindling at just how sad her boss looked in that moment. 

Morgan could tell Garcia was ready to cave and he wasn't about to have that as he stepped back in Hotch’s line of sight. “You stay away from him. Job or not if you go anywhere near him I will kick your ass until there is nothing left of you” He ignored both gasps of shock again at his outburst, feeling bad for about a half second at the sad eyes staring back at him. “Let's go ladies” He said as he reached out and took each of their hands and led them off. 

“We have to find him. I have to know that he's alright” Hotch heard Garcia say to Morgan as he turned and watched them walk away. 

“I know baby girl but we both know that he's probably hiding out somewhere because he needs to be alone” He heard Morgan respond as he closed his eyes because he knew every word was true and he had been the cause of it. 

 

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

“Spencer…please forgive me. I know I hurt you baby but you have to know that I love you, that I need you” Aaron begged across the line as he sat locked up in his bedroom the following day. “Even if you can't forgive me please just let me know that that you are ok. I mean I know you aren't ok but I need to hear from you” Disconnecting the call he redialed the number again, sighing out loud when he was alerted by a computer voice that the person he was trying to reach had a voicemail that was full. He figured the others had been trying to get in touch with him as well because despite the fact he had called numerous times there was no way he had filled up Spencer’s voicemail. 

"Dad” He heard his only son speak as he opened his eyes and realized by the darkened room he had slept the day away. “Are you ok?”

“Im fine Jack” Aaron lied as he sat up and avoided his sons eyes. 

“You know I would believe you if you hadn't slept all day and you have yet to look me in the eye” Jack replied as he sat down on the bed beside his father. “So would this look of depression all over you have anything to do with Spencer?” He questioned, shaking his head slightly at the pained looked that flashed across his father’s face. “You know you can try and lie to me again but your eyes speak volumes as to how true my words are” He dared his father to lie to him again smugly but that smugness turned to shock and then panic when he father took a shuddering breath and broke down into tears in front of him. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Morgan demanded as he sat in front of Spencer’s front door the following day. “Ive been worried sick about you since you stormed off last night”

“I was afraid he would come after me and I needed to be alone so I stayed at a hotel” Spencer replied tiredly as he helped Morgan off of the floor before opening the front door. “How long have you been here?” He questioned as he walked into his home and fell heavily onto the couch. 

“A few hours” Derek answered as he closed the door and locked it before falling onto the couch beside his friend. “You look like you didn't sleep a wink” He observed as he reached out and traced a dark circles under his eye. 

“Kind of hard to sleep when every time I close my eyes I see him and that woman” Spencer sighed as he leaned further back into the over stuffed cushion. “He’s been calling me nonstop since last night”

“Did you speak to him?” The older man asked with an edge to his voice as he sat forward and stared into Spencer’s eyes. 

“No…but you have no idea how much I wanted to” Spencer sighed again. “You know what hurts the most is that I know he loves me, like really loves me and even though I know why he did what he did it still hurts like hell whenever I think about it” Tears burned at his eyes as he found fascination with the floor because he didn't want Morgan to see just how much the previous night had affected him. “It actually lasted a lot longer then I thought it would” He shrugged with a hard swallow. 

“What do you mean?” Morgan asked as he forced Reid to look at him. “What do you mean?” He questioned again when he didn't receive an answer. 

“Let's face it I'm no great catch. He promised to love me forever but I know how this works. It’s only a matter of time before my oddities cause them to leave me. It isn't like this is the first time this has happened. The thing is that I don't even know what he saw in me in the first place. We couldn't be more different. I should have known better because I already knew this day was going to happen” Folding his body over his knees he hid his face in his hands and cried, not caring in the least any longer that Morgan was there. 

Blind anger filled Morgan as he watched his friend fall apart before him. He wanted nothing more then to storm over to Hotchner’s house and beat the shit out of him once again but there was also an anger within himself in that in all the time he had known Spencer he knew nothing about his past relationships. “You know you are a really special person kid and all of those idiots from your past who didn't realize this lost out, including this current idiot” He told Reid in hopes of making him feel better but found it had the opposite effect as the younger man looked over at him with nothing but pure heartbreak on his face. 

“I don't care about the others but I guess it makes me an idiot as well because I really wanted this to work out between us. I really wanted to believe him when he told me he loved me. God I really am an idiot” He cried out again as he fumbled his way off of the couch and began to pace frantically. “It's just that he promised me everything and when he looked at me he made me believe that he meant it. I should have known…I should have known” He continued to rant as the pacing increased. 

“Hey…hey…pretty boy stop” Derek cried out as he jumped off of the couch as well and pulled Spencer into his arms. “I wish I had the magical words to say that everything is going to be ok but I know this, Aaron Hotchner is one of the best profilers in the world and can make just about anyone believe the bullshit that he spews. If he truly loved you we wouldn't be going through this right now. Spencer…” He spoke cautiously when he was shoved away with a look that screamed pure anger. 

“Wow…you really think that I'm that much of an idiot” Spencer ground out. 

"What...no. I didn't say that” Derek shot back in surprise when the frantic pacing began again. 

“You seem to forget that I'm one of the best profilers as well so I know that at least at the beginning his words were true. You need to go. Hank and Savannah need you” He said as he attempted to push Morgan towards the door but gave up quickly when the powerhouse refused to move. “Please Derek…I just need to be alone”

“I can't do that little bro” Derek replied as he once again pulled Spencer into his arms. “That's the problem in that you think you have to work through things like this alone but you don't. You are my family Spencer and I'm always going to be here for you like it or not” He assured with tears in his own eyes as he tightened the hold on the man he truly cared about. 

“I'm scared Derek” Spencer whispered against his neck. 

“Why?” Morgan asked as he stepped back with concern on his face. 

“I just feel off center and…crazy” He whispered the last word as he locked eyes with his friend. “I've never felt like this before in that I'm so angry at him for what he did to me and yet at the same time I want to rush over to him and beg his forgiveness and yet I didn't do anything wrong. I'm so confused because I know you’re telling me the truth and yet I want to cut your tongue out for even saying one negative thing about him. Have I gone crazy?” He asked sincerely because he really felt as he had. 

"No baby boy this is just what love does to you" Derek replied truthfully. “You really love him don't you?” He questioned even though he knew the answer. 

“With all that I am” Spencer replied without hesitation, wishing like hell that every word wasn't true. 

“What are you going to do?” Morgan asked as he watched Spencer fall heavily into the couch once again. “Are you going to forgive him?” 

“I really want to because I do understand why he did it but he lied to me and that's something that I just can't forgive him for” Spencer sighed heavily feeling extremely exhausted all of a sudden. “I'm really tired Morgan” He said as he looked up tiredly at his friend. “I'm going to take a nap. If you want to stay you can but you really don't have too. I'll be ok…I promise” He assured at the skeptical look he received.

“What if he comes by?” Morgan asked because he was fearful that if he did Spencer wouldn't be able to resist him. 

"I tell him that it's over” He shrugged sadly as he laid back on the couch and closed his eyes. 

Morgan debated staying longer but he knew Spencer needed alone time to process everything and if he was really being truthful with himself he wanted to go home and declare his undying love to his wife, so thankful that that part of his life was over. He had never believed he would find love in his life yet now that he had he wanted to make sure he never lost it again. “Love you kid” He told Spencer as he headed for the door. 

"Love you too" Spencer replied with his eyes still closed. The moment the door closed behind Derek he hid his face into a throw pillow and cried out the contents of his broken heart. “Wha…what” He cried out much later at an insistent banging on his front door. Stumbling off of the couch he slowly made his way across the darkened room, turning on a few lights as he went. Closing his eyes and swallowing hard he waited a few moments while trying to compose himself because he knew who he would find standing there when he opened it. “Jack” He cried out in surprise when he opened the door and found another Hotchner instead of the one he was expecting. “What are you doing here?” He questioned nervously as he peeked into the hallway when the young boy just walked into his home without invitation. 

 

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone for all the kudos and comments. This was my first Hotch/Spencer fic and I really enjoyed writing it. So there will be a sequel and I hope to have it up soon. Thanks again!!

“He isn't here. In fact he doesn't even know that I'm here” Jack answered as he took a seat on the couch Spencer had been sleeping on.

“How did you get here” Spencer questioned as he closed the door before checking his watch for the time. “It's late. Where does he think you are this late at night?”

“He probably thinks I'm in my room. He's been kind of out of it all day” Jack said as he peered up at him with a steady stare, one very similar to his fathers. “As for how I got here I took the metro” 

“You…you took the metro” Spencer yelled out in shock as he strode over to where the child sat. “Do you know how dangerous the metro is for an adult at this time of night much less a kid. You could have been kidnapped or hurt or…”

“I'm ok Spencer” Jack assured as he reached forward and grabbed the hands gesturing frantically before him. “I'm really glad that you care enough to worry about me though”

“If course I care Jack. I've practically watched you grow up your entire life” Spencer replied quickly as he sat down beside him. “Please tell me you don't do this on a regular basis” 

“My dad taught me the metro system years ago and he's taught me to defend myself if need be, but no this is the first time I've taken it alone”

“Does he even know you are here?” He asked, terrified at the thought of Aaron showing up to claim his son. “Why are you here?” He questioned because now that the fear of what could have happened to Jack had subsided he was curious as to why the boy was there in the first place. 

“Spencer…do you love my dad?” Jack had his own questions as he peered deeply into Spencer’s eyes because they would tell him the honest truth. 

“Um…of course I love your father. We've worked together for a long time and we’re family” Spencer replied around a nervous swallow, the way the boy was staring at him unnerving him more than he wanted to admit. 

"Ok I will give you that” Jack replied a bit frustrated but then a smug look crossed his face as he took a deep breath and tried again. “Let me rephrase the question then. Are you in love with my father?” If the sharp intake of breath wasn't answer enough the repeated nervous blinks sure we're Jack thought. “Oh and before you answer know that I was there for what I assume to be the first time you told him that you did” The smug smile grew even more as he continued to stare at the clearly shocked man. 

The urge to lie was great as Spencer broke eye contact with Aaron’s son but the intensity of the stare dared him not to. “What do you mean you were there?” He questioned as he recalled the night he had finally declared his love to Aaron Hotchner. 

“You and dad thought I was asleep that night” He began with a shrug. “I mean I was before that but I woke up hungry and went to the kitchen to find something to snack on. I wasn't shocked when I heard the two of you talking in the living room because let's face it you practically live at our house on the weekends” He grinned. “I grabbed my snack and was heading back to the living room to say goodnight and I found the two of you slow dancing in the middle of it. I’ll admit that I was shocked to see two grown men dancing together but I was even more shocked when my father leaned in and kissed you and you let him. It wasn't a disgusted shock” He rushed out at the distressed look that crossed Spencer’s face. “Dad raised me to be accepting of everyone but I was shocked because I didn't know that my father was into men” Jack went quiet for a moment as he recalled how content his father looked as he held Spencer in his arms. “He looked really happy” He finally broke the silence as he watched Spencer nervously chew on his fingers. “You looked happy too” He added. “I could tell you were nervous as you pulled back from him and told him you loved him. I don't think I've ever seen my father smile as brightly as he did right then. Without even saying a word I knew that he loved you back by that smile alone. I left after that because I felt I had invaded your privacy enough. I kept waiting for the grand announcement from the two of you that you were dating and in love but it never came. I was completely shocked and confused when weeks later my dad told me that he was taking one of aunt Jess’s friends out on a date”

Tears welled up in Spencer’s eyes as he recalled the previous night all over again but he fought past them because he didn't want Jack to see how much his father had hurt him. “We should call your dad and let him know you are here. I'm sure he's worried sick about you” He said as he rose from the couch and headed towards the phone located across the room. 

“I'm sorry that he hurt you Spencer” He heard the young boy say. “I'm sorry that he wasn't man enough to tell everyone the truth about how he feels about you but you have to know that he really does love you”

“Jack please…” Spencer whispered as he closed his eyes and rubbed tiredly at them. 

"He told my aunt Jess and I everything tonight. He told us about the unsub who had a gun to your head and how he reacted afterward. He told us that he forced you to keep your relationship a secret even though he knew it was hurting you. He told us how he agreed to go on the date aunt Jess set up for him because he was too much of a coward to tell us about the two of you. He fucked up big time and trust me he's miserable because he knows how badly he hurt you”

“Language” Spencer reprimanded off handedly as he turned to face Jack once again. I'm not going to say that I don't love your father because you obviously already know that I do and I get why he did what he did but this…”

Don't you but this me Spencer Reid” Jack cut him off quickly with a look of anger so intense it caused Spencer to recoil from it. “He got scared and he made some very stupid mistake but it's all out in the open now. I know you love my dad and that he loves you and despite how stupid he's been in the past the two of you belong together. You make each other happy so you need to find it in your heart to forgive him because if you don't you will regret it for the rest of your life” 

The tears rolling down Jack’s face broke Spencer's heart as he rushed across the room and pulled him into his arms. “I'm sorry Jack” He apologized even though he didn't know what he was apologizing for. 

“Please Spencer you have to forgive him. He really hasn't been happy in a long time and he deserves to be happy, we all deserve to be happy” Jack hiccuped as he pulled back from the older man while wiping at his eyes. 

“We?” Spencer questioned as he looked at Jack in confusion. 

“Yes we…” Jack replied quickly knowing that his time with Spencer was growing short at the way his cell phone was vibrating like crazy in his pocket. “I like you Spencer. I like that you spend every weekends with us. I like that you like taking us to places that my father would never think to take me. I like that we do these things together because it makes us like a family”

“Is that…is that something you've thought about?” He asked, stunned because he always felt a little bit like he was intruding on their father and son time together. 

“I haven't really thought about it because it always just felt natural. We always end up having a good time no matter what weird place you may take us” He laughed softly as he recalled some of the places they had been on Spencer’s insistence. “I don't want that to end. I know I'm putting you in a horrible position but If you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love my dad or that you can't forgive him then I will leave you alone”

Spencer didn't have a chance to react before a loud pounding on his front door echoed across the room. “I guess my dad’s here” He heard Jack say as he watched him walk across the room and open the door. 

“You are in so much trouble young man” Aaron yelled in fear filled anger before pulling his only son into his arms and holding him tightly. Do you know how dangerous the metro is this time of night? You scared me to death when I got your text letting me know what you had done” His tone lessened as he allowed his son to wiggle out of his grasp, eyeing him from head to foot to make sure that he was ok. “Spencer…I'm so sorry about… 

He didn't get a chance to finish what he was going to say as Spencer bound across the room, grabbed onto both sides of his face and kissed him. It was too hard and a bit messy but he didn't care as he pulled the lanky body in front of him closer and allowed it to continue. “Whoa…whoa…look I'm glad that Spencer seems to have forgiven you but I don't need to see the x-rated version of your make up kiss” They both heard Jack cry out as they forced themselves apart and tried to compose themselves. “Oh and by the way I didn't take the metro by myself. I called aunt Jess after you got off the phone with her and asked her to drive me here. She's downstairs waiting for me” Jack told them with a smug smirk as he headed towards the door. “Oh and another things I’ll be staying with her tonight so you can talk” He air quoted the last word as the smug smile turned into a full blown smile. “She will drop me off tomorrow night and we can go out and have a nice dinner as a family. Love you guys” He rushed out, hugging them both quickly before rushing out the door. 

“I need to go check and make sure what he said is true” Aaron said as he watched he son disappear around the corner. “Do you…can I…do you want me to come back? He stammered because even though Spencer had kissed him he still wasn't sure where he stood with the younger man. 

“Yes…” Spencer smiled at just how nervous Aaron seemed to be. “Hurry before they leave. We can talk when you get back” He watched as Aaron began to lean forward perhaps for a kiss but then pull back at the last second as if unsure what to do. “Go” He grinned as he kissed Aaron quickly before pushing him towards the door. Spencer knew that he had every right to still be upset with Aaron and yet he found that the only emotion he could muster was outright love. Lost in thought as he recalled everything Jack had told him he didn't hear Aaron’s return. A clearing of the throat jerked him back to reality as he looked up and found his lover standing in the doorway of his apartment looking so lost and unsure. Without forethought he rushed across the room once again, wrapping his arms around the man the he loved. “Can you just hold me for a moment?” He asked, needing the warmth and support of Aaron’s body to ground him. 

Aaron said nothing as he did what he was asked and wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around Spencer without crushing him. He still had no idea where he stood with the younger man or what was going on his his head but he hoped it was a sign that he was willing to work things out between them. 

Spencer would have preferred to stand there all night but he knew they had a lot that needed to de discussed before they could hopefully move forward. “Do you want some coffee or maybe a water?” He asked as he pulled away from Aaron and headed towards the kitchen. 

“No…I'm good thanks” Aaron replied in confusion as he watched him walk away, only to turn back and fall heavily on the couch. The room was silent for several long moments before Spencer finally spoke again. 

"I don't want to be your secret ever again. I know that we have to keep it from the bureau but I refuse to be your secret to anyone else. I'm sure the whole team knows about what happened and we will talk to them together either at work or at a place of your choice but I won't have our relationship cause a divide in the team once again” He began to speak as he locked eyes with the men that he loved. “Morgan is my best friend and I know the two of you are at odds but you have to promise me that you will talk to him and make things right”

“I will…anything that you want” Aaron replied quickly and with so much hope in the words that it broke Spencer’s already bruised up heart. 

"You really hurt me last night” Spencer began to speak again. “But what hurt the most is that you looked me dead in the eyes the afternoon before and lied to me. I love you so much Aaron but I don't know if I trust you right now”

“I know and you have no idea how much I wish I could go back and change everything about that afternoon” Aaron told him, tears glistening in his eyes as he replayed it over in his head. 

“Well not everything” Spencer smiled softly as he reached out his hand towards Aaron, smiling even more when he took it as he sat down next to him on the couch. “You know the sex before that was pretty amazing”

“It was but I have no idea how to respond to that. I don't know where I stand with you and I'm so petrified that I going to say something that will hurt you even more and you’ll run away from me once again”

Spencer had to bite his tongue because he wanted to remind the man again as to why he had run away in the first place, yet at the look of misery staring back at him he bit his tongue. “Where we stand is that I love you and I forgive you. Until last night being with you has made me so happy all these months and according to your son I've made you happy as well”

“Extremely happy” Aaron assured as he lifted Spencer’s hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “Except for the birth of my son I don't think I've ever been this happy”

“He's pretty wise that one” Spencer chuckled. “He planned all of this in order to get us back together” 

"He is really wise but I'm still going to ground his ass for pulling this stunt in the first place. He really scared me with the idea of him riding the metro all alone tonight”

“He wants us to be a family” Spencer said with a smile as he leaned in and kissed his lover gently. “Maybe we can cut him some slack and buy him a car or something for making us see how much we belong together”

"I can already see that you are going to be the good parent and I'm going to be the bad one” Aaron smiled back with tears in his eyes and hope in his heart. “I'm really sorry baby” He said as he turned serious for a moment. “I promise that I won't ever hurt you again”

Spencer wanted to tell him that the probability of never being hurt again by the man was pretty low, they were human after all and both quite stubborn in their own right, but he held back once again. In that moment it didn't matter. “I love you Aaron Hotchner” He said instead, smiling into the kiss they shared as the words of love reverberated against his lips. He knew they still had a lot to talk about and work through but once again in that moment it didn't matter. All that mattered at that point in time as the kiss intensified and strong arms wrapped around his thin frame was that they were together. Their love was strong and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it would guide them through whatever hurdles came their way, especially the hurdle known as Derek Morgan. However as Aaron lead him towards the bedroom for what he hoped to be lots of reunion sex, he found that he didn't really want to think about it in that moment and he wasn't going to. 

 

The End…for now.


End file.
